Here’s another passage of the internal monologue I started to call The Voice when we were trying, unsuccessfully, to start a family. So there’s you. And there’s her. And there’s You & Her. And you thought it was going to be downhill from now on did you? The struggle was over, the battle was won. … Continue reading The Voice →

Christmas again. For anyone who has lost a baby this can be a difficult time of year. It’s a time when it’s all too easy to measure your life against those of others, and against your own expectations. Why don’t I get to be the fun, expansive Dad at Christmas time? Where are my excited … Continue reading Don’t let your paternal instincts go to waste at Christmas →

Over the course of many years of trying for a family without success, I began to get the feeling that fatherhood was slipping out of my grasp. I felt this most keenly, usually, when I was awake in the middle of the night, my head too full of it all to sleep. At these times, … Continue reading The Voice →

I started to feel like a misfit, in a strange limbo between happy bachelor and family man. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere and because men don’t really talk about it, I felt like I was the only wannabe Dad in the world. Everyone says they know people who’ve been through the same, so … Continue reading Why I wrote the book – part 3/3 →

I learnt different things with each of the different pregnancies and I tried to capture these lessons, at whatever stages these insights revealed themselves. At times like these, you can be astonished by the strength of your partner, your bond, and the worldly wisdom of your family and friends. At the same time you see … Continue reading Why I wrote the book – part 2/3 →

We’d been trying to start a family for a few years without any sign of anything happening until it all came at us so fast we barely had time to think. In about a 24-month time span we experienced three failed pregnancies, surprising the seasoned medical staff of one of London’s biggest hospitals with their … Continue reading Why I wrote the book – part 1/3 →

I'm dressed and standing in the flat. My phone rings, it's Natalie again. I answer. It's not her voice. It's the voice of a well-spoken, well-educated young man. He sounds respectful, sympathetic, pained almost. He introduces himself as a doctor. Whatever he says next is unnecessary because I have already understood the message. The implications of hearing his voice on her phone are … Continue reading 3.45am, Saturday 28 May →